My Men - Spinoff

I was introduced to "My Women" via a myspace bulletin....it was inspiring.......here it is..........



Laura. You were hot. I was not. You let me fuck you because I was funny. Thank you.



Kim. We smoked a lot of weed and drank all the time. I don't remember much.



Sarah. You were hot. But a total bitch. I could have done better. You treated me like shit. I put up with it because you had a great vagina. Beautiful.



Another Kim. You thought you were smart. You weren't. I was bored.



Charlee. I liked your name and the way it was spelled.



Rachel. You were really sweet and nice. Stop emailing me. It's been fifteen years. It's creeping me out and pissing off my wife. Fucking classmates.com.



Megan. I wanted you since highschool. I was kinda dissapointed when it happened.



Jennifer. What the hell was I thinking? What the hell were you thinking? You smelled kinda funny too. Your dad was a dick.



Jill. You had HUGE nipples. Couldn't feel a thing though. Shame all that nippleage going to waste.



Michelle. You were a drug addict. You have to be pretty fucked up for me of all people to say that.



Another Megan. I lost your number.



Laura. I did it for the novelty of going out with a girl that I went out with ten years before. You were still hot. I got kinda hot. We were better matched. Thanks again. Sorry I dumped you. You were a shitty tipper. I had no choice. Some handsome and cool shitty tipping guy probably grabbed you. Or some funny wanker.



Another another Megan. I've dated a lot of Megans. This one was no prize.



Debby. You were really smart except you had no self esteem. Be careful or some asshole is going to own you and that would be sad. You're smart and pretty and have great tits. Smaller tits can be awesome too.



Sophia. Liked your name. Liked that you worked out a lot. You seemed nice but you fucked up my credit. User.



Andrea. You had that adorable petit look that I can only call the "Penelope Cruz" look. Too bad you didn't have her personality.



Emily. NOBODY FUCKING CARES YOUR FAMILY IS RICH. You'd be okay if you were not preoccupied with wealth you did not personally aquire.



Dr. Sanderson. You worked to much. You were kinda cold. I thought you were cool though but you are so career motivated you probably did not give a shit about anything else. I got drunk once and thought about asking you to marry me though. I still wonder if you would have.



Elizabeth. You are my wife. My wife is perfect. My life is perfect.



Violet. You are my daughter. When I looked in on you tonight I had that rush of feeling so strong that a shiver went through my whole body and I had to move my hands really quickly to dissipate it's physical effect. Before I met you I was a "kids are no big deal, everyone's got kids and they're not that fucking special" kinda guy. You fucking ruined me. I'm gay for kids now. I love you so much baby.



My unborn 6 month old fetal daughter. If you come out retarded or ugly as shit I'll still love and protect you.



So now here is my own version..... "My Men" (some names have been changed for privacy)



Matt. You made me laugh and you were my best friend, but you lived too far. You still look like you're 14 and that's weird.

Ben. You had pretty eyes, but what were you thinking?

Josh. I don't remember you.

Aaron. You were boring so I blew you even though I didn't know how

Kyle. You thought you were a badass but you were a pervert and desperate.

Jason. You had the smallest dick I'd ever seen. At least you already knew that. You also weren't a very good kisser.

Jake. You were really hot. You were a good kisser. You did too many drugs and hooked up with too many girls good thing my cousins didn't kick your ass.

Ryan. What was I thinking? You were short, ugly, and had no personality. That's why I pretended I didn't know you when I saw you again.

Sam. You had lame excuses and I'm glad I never saw you again. Andrew. You were tall and awkward and I liked that about you. You had pretty eyes and your braces cut my mouth up. Now you are fucking gorgeous and would totally hook up with you if I had the chance. Don't get married!

Guillermo. You had a weird name and I think maybe we could be like 12th cousins or something distant lilke that. Damn Mexicans.

Steven. My friend liked you and you knew it so you made out with me. You're a dick.

Chris. You said you didn't like to kiss with tongue when your mouth was open....WTF?

Sean. You probably had never seen 2 girls kiss before. You were a loser.

Felix. You looked asian. (No offense to asians.) You weren't worth the drama.

Armando. You were an asshole. You were my best friend and you blew me off.

Ross. You were insignificant.

Angel. You were scared and couldn't handle it.

Enrique. You were ugly and creepy.

Raul. I liked having you around you were lots of fun. Too bad I told your girlfriend what you really were.

Paco. I heard you're gay now.....can't say I'm surprised.

Another Felix. I'm sorry you were too childish

Jesus. You had no personality and no money.

Emilio. One word.....rapist!

Another Enrique. I don't understand how you always have a girlfriend and how oblivious they are. Where do you find these girls? Oh yeah I forgot you only date girls who are 16!

Andres. You were hot and I wanted you in high school. I was disappointed when it happened and made you stop and leave my house.

Ruben. I laughed when we found out your girlfriend was my friend.....dumbass

Adrian. I was drunk and it was New Years Eve.....your entire family was there!

Sean. I was drunk and you took advantage. I think you slipped my a roofie

Another Chris. I had bruises on my boobs from you. I don't even know how that's possible.

Another Sean. You had hair in all the wrong places. Your current girlfriend looks like she rolled around in grease.

Alex. I felt sorry for you.

Mark. I just didn't know how to say "no" to you, until you said "I just want to lay naked next to you".....that was dumb! I'm glad your girlfriend is a bitch.

Billy. You had a starring problem and it really creeped my out.

Bobby. It was the most random New Years Eve ever!

Danny. Your sister was a bitch......and still is

Jon. You tried to rape my face.

Nick. You were hot and a really good kisser.....too bad you made out with a slut right after you made out with me.

Sual. We grew up together and you were always like family. You waited until I was incoherant. You eventually went to jail.......I wonder why?

Anthony. I will always love you even though I don't know why.