Meghan

Unknown Caller

2009-06-08T15:41:00.001-07:00

It was a typical summer day in Arizona, sunny and way too hot, and I was on my way to a BBQ/pool party at my friend Jessie’s house. My good friend Lindsay was in town from her internship in Hawaii and Jessie wanted to get all of her friends together for a party, but really it was an excuse for everyone to do some day drinking by the pool. Even though we were all friends in high school it still can be awkward to be around a bunch of people that I never see or talk to anymore. I really didn’t want to show up to the BBQ alone so I called my friend Julie and she was just getting out of the shower and would be there an hour or so. I really didn’t plan on staying that long since I would have to pick up my son early from his dad and I didn’t want to wait around and extra an hour for her to be ready. I decided to call Lindsay and make sure she was there so I could least stand around with her and talk to her. I was already on my way and getting close to Jessie’s house. I had my summer playlist from my iPod blaring out the windows, which consists of Bob Marley, Pepper, Sublime, and Slightly Stoopid…pretty much anything with a reggae sound to it; I was trying to put myself in a friendly upbeat mood. I turned down the music to make my call. I grabbed my cell phone out of its place in my cup holder and noticed I had a voicemail. I quickly glanced at my missed call and all it said was “Unknown Number”, I didn’t think anything of it and I was way to close to the party. I called Lindsay and made a mental note to check the voicemail later.

Lindsay and I arrived at the BBQ at the same time and being there wasn’t as awkward as I was anticipating and it ended up being a successful couple hours. As soon as I had my son, he and I went to the mall. I figured it would be a nice day for us to go to Barnes & Noble, so I could pick up the books from Cosmo’s summer reading list, and he could play in the play area right outside the store. We grabbed some lunch in the food court and then went about our day. Once we finally got home and I was relaxed on the couch with my new book “Why He Didn’t Call You Back” skimming the pages for anything interesting. Diego was watching cartoons and playing with his new stuffed dragon he acquired at Barnes & Noble. I was bored with my book, I was really hoping it was going to be like “He’s Just Not That Into You” for some insight, but it was mainly common sense. I finally remembered that I hadn’t checked my unknown caller’s voicemail and picked up my cell phone. I called my voicemail and the semi friendly robotic woman’s voice chimed, “You have one unheard message” I can’t help but think of the Friends episode where Joey says in a comical robotic voice, “’you have one new message” and then continues with “what a cool job!” I always quietly laugh to myself whenever I hear that on my own voicemail.

Next thing I hear is a man’s deep husky sounding voice telling me, “you’re fat and you’re ugly.” I listened to it over and over again trying to see if I could recognize the voice because it sounded a lot like someone I work with. I couldn’t help, but think if this is the person I think it is, he sure does have room to talk. He is a seven foot ogre with pot marks all over his face and slanted eyes that you can never really tell if they are open or not. I was never offended by the comments, but thought of them as comical. What kind of adult male goes out of his way to prank call another adult in the middle of a Saturday afternoon? Usually when a guy is prank calling a girl it has something to with alcohol and possibly drunk dialing, but it was a sober sounding message.

I don’t want to jump to conclusions about who would do something a twelve year old girl does, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t help but think it was the guy I work with, but I kept questioning myself to why he would do such a thing. He is married, and we are what I consider work friends. We run in the same work social circles and occasionally will see what the other is up for the weekend if it’s anything interesting, but never any ill feelings. Regardless of whom left the message it’s completely asinine. First, I may not be extraordinarily beautiful but I know I am not ugly. Second, I may carry around a few extra LBs, but I really don’t care. I still have guys tell me I am beautiful and I am smart and fun and if someone wants to call me from an “unknown number” because he doesn’t have any balls and he tries and break me down or give me a complex…..I say to you….NICE TRY.

Craziest Night Ever.....It's One For the Book

2009-03-30T09:51:00.000-07:00

Denise is a friend who I don't see often enough and when she wants to go out its usually a party! On Thursday she text me saying that she has a friend that wants girls to come out and party on Friday night, since he has some friends in town from Chicago.... but we were going to Scottsdale.

Now if you're not from Arizona, Scottsdale is where the upscale bars are. They usually have a dress code that says you need to be wearing stilletos and dresses that barely cover your ass. You will also have to pay $9 for just one beer. If you know me at all....I would much rather spend $3 on a beer at a dive karaoke bar where I can show up in pajamas if I wanted to. So Scottsdale is a little too much effort for me. Denise had said not to worry about paying for drinks because the guys would front the bill. (I also don't like people paying for me, because for some reason I have this weird sub conscience thing that I need to show that I can take care of myself. Plus I didn't want to give off the wrong impression that just because they bought me drinks would mean I was willing for a trade.)

So Friday rolls around and I started my day off shitty. My son's father was late picking up my son which in turn made me late to work. I have some time left in my sick bank so I wasn't going to get trouble, but it still takes time out of there for when I really need to use it. By "really need to use it" I mean for when I feel like laying out, or wanna go to the bar, or just sleep in. Needless to say I was still angry at him and all it did was give me a migraine. I really wasn't looking forward to getting off at 8pm and getting all dolled up to go hang out with a bunch of dudes I didn't even care about, and end up paying for my $50 bar tab for the 4 beers I would be drinking.

So we'll fast forward to 8pm....
Once I was off work I went to my friend Brittany's apartment to get ready since we were meeting Denise at 9:30pm when she got off work. I curled my hair put half of it up and then stuck a red flower in with my bobby pins. I put on a dress that went to my toes and accentuated my boobs. Then looked in the mirror and I seriously felt that I looked like Chaquita Banana. I was wearing something you wear to a pool side BBQ or something. I wasn't having any of my outfit choice. I put the jeans I had been wearing all day back on and a black sweater with a scoop neck line. Now I just looked like I do everyday, but with my hair curled and fake eye lashes. Definitely not slutty and uncomfortable enough for Scottsdale. Oh well. We got to Denise's house and did some quick introductions to Andy, the guy taking us out. We jumped into his truck and drove to North Scottsdale to his friend John's "summer house". We listened to techno versions of pop songs, laughed, and talked about how crazy we were when we went out and partied. (Ha! Little did I know the shananigans we were about to get into). We finally pull up to a neighborhood called "Ancala" which at first we thought "isn't that the name of a kids bored game involving marbles?"....then realized that, that's Mancala! The 24 hour security guard proceeded to ask us the address of the house we were going and the name of the owner and then took a picture of the trucks license plate. Okay so all I wanted to know was, who the fuck lives in this neighborhood? Barack Obama? Who the hell was I about to meet and how important are they?
We got to an amazing house filled with about 8 people, mixed guys and girls, and we did introductions and sat around in the kitchen mixing drinks starring at each other. Each group was trying to figure out if each other were people who were cool or going to cause problems. They obviously had more money than I would ever have in a lifetime, so I was just trying to figure out if they were give me some....just kidding.

Finally a limo came to pick us up (of course) after us being there for 5mins, which felt like an awkward hour! We piled in to a Stretch Escalade limo and rode down to Dirty Pretty in Scottsdale. Me and the 3 girls I was with sat there laughing at our own side conversations on the way to the bar and just kind of took everything in. This is not how we usually go out and this was a total treat.

Once at the bar, the manager of Dirty Pretty walked us to the VIP tables in the back of the club were there were shots of Patron Silver waiting for us. The shots kept coming and so did the Dom Perignon. Drinks just kept getting handed to me and I was just in awe at how many bottles of Grey Goose, Tequila, and Champagne were sitting at our table. The music was flowing and again it was pop techno music. Not really my kind of music, but whatever I was still dancing. Our entire group was dancing on couches, taking shots, laughing at the drunk girls who DID NOT come with us but kept flashing their panties (that I was thankful they were even wearing) when they would fall down. We were just having a good fucking time.

Of course we shut down the bar and I peeked over the shoulder of John, who was funding this extravagant evening, and the bill was $2,465! Holy shit was I seeing that correct? No way! Yes.... it was that much..... John handed our personal server, Jenna, a black credit card. That only means one thing.....no credit limit! At this point I decided it was time for a cigarette so I went outside in the front to smoke before everyone piled back into the limo. It was 2:30am and everyone that was once crammed on the dance floor was now standing outside the bar trying to figure out how they were getting home. I took some satisfaction in knowing the stretch limo parked in front was taking me home! Then I saw girls that weren't at our tables get into the limo. Where did they think they were going? Not with us that's for sure. I walked over and asked them if they knew who's limo it was and of course they didn't so I told them to get the fuck out! This guy just dropped over two grand on my drinking and the least I could do was look out for who was coming home with all of us. Everyone was finally out and it was time to get in the limo and start the after party in Ancala. During the rush of getting people together to come home was unorganized, of course since everyone was completely wasted. About 4 girls hopped in thinking they were along for the ride. Andy being the lovable teddy bear he was, told the sluts to get the fuck out of limo and find there own way home.

For some reason the lights and music weren't working in our limo. Apparently everything went dead....how...I still don't know! So it was completely dark and I had no idea who was sitting around me. So Andy took out his iPhone and held it up to provide some sort of light. When I looked around I realized that I had no idea who the girl was sitting across from me. I looked at the girl on her left, Alexia, and asked her who that girl was. She looked at her and back at me and just said "I have no idea".

The "Stray Dog" decided that she needed to smoke a cigarette. What the fuck was this bitch thinking? She was in a limo full of people she didn't know, she was completely wasted, and she wasn't even being inconspicuous! Someone broke her cigarette and threw the lit part out the window. She then started touching the window like she had never felt glass before. She had to have been on ecstasy, because she then she started stroking the champagne flutes hung over the mini-bar. After she knocked all the flutes down and broke them in half, Alexia tried to maneuver herself between Stray Dog and the breakables. Stray Dog took this action as threatening instead of helpful and started pushing Alexia, little puerto rican, right off the seat so she could touch the breakables again. My little fire cracker, Alexia, got up and pushed her way back in the middle. Stray Dog then bit her (I hope she didn't have rabies) and then Alexia called her a "Cunt", which is one of my favorite words to hear people use, so now I had this new level of respect for Alexia. Anyway.... our little friend, Stray Dog, still hadn't got the point and my little fire cracker started to pop off. One of the guys grabbed Alexia and pulled her to the other side of the limo and I grabbed Stray Dog's legs and held her down since she started flailing about and Andy grabbed her arms and pinned her to the limo's wooden floors. Her tube top dress has now become an issue because it was starting to wrap around her stomach and not her entire body (I was again thankful for panties).

Brett, one of the guys we were with, called the limo driver and said we needed to pull over and throw this girl out. Somehow this bitch got one of her legs free and kicked me square in the face! I was level headed enough to grab her legs and hold them even tighter and just kept telling her how lucky she was that I knew she was fucked up and I didn't kill her right then and there. Of course I don't think she understood anything I was saying because she just kept wiggling. We pulled off the freeway and into a parking lot about 20 miles away from the bar she stowed away from and the plan was to push her out. So I started to let go of her legs so the guys could push her out and then the bitch tried to kick me again! I half stood up in the limo leaned over and started to punch her. I had, had enough! Brett and the girls behind me pulled me back down and held me back while they threw her out of the limo. I grabbed her purse and threw it out of the door at her face and sat back down. We left her in some random parking lot struggling to stand with her dress around her stomach and the contents of her purse all over the parking lot. Hopefully she learned a valuable lesson about stranger danger, I sure did.

Once back in Ancala, we all re-lived the limo disaster. Alexia and I were new best friends. Everyone kept drinking and dancing to the same techno music as before and just picked up where we left off from the bar. At 5am it was time to go home. John called us a cab and once our cab driver dropped off Andy, Andy gave Denise $120 for our $75 cab ride home. We made the cabbie go to Jack in the Box drive-thru and ordered $23 worth of food. Got home at 5:45am and again re-lived all the crazy stuff we witnessed at the bar, our obsene bar tab, tried to count how many shots we took and how many times we each fell down (.....something I don't think we'll ever know), and the murder that almost took place in the limo. Seriously the craziest night I've ever had!

I can't wait to do it again!!!! Thanks Denise!

I <3 E.C.

2009-03-02T16:20:00.000-08:00

I look for the stories that no one has really read because I want to be able to discover characters on my own. Real life stories that I can relate to, where I can find myself in a certain character. The heroine, the villain, the comic relief.

I thought "only 14 year olds are reading Twilight" and "its a love story about vampires? C'mon let's get serious" I had no idea what the hype was about, I just didn't get it!

I bought Twilight for my 14 year old cousin for Christmas. She left it at my house on New Years Eve. There was nothing good on TV since it was Monday and The Hills were over, DWTS and American Idol were in between seasons. It wasn't Grey's Anatomy Thursday. I thought I might as well see what all the buzz is about. And then I started reading Twilight.....

I read all 4 books with 10 days! I couldn't put it down. My breaks and lunches at work were consumed by the adventure in Bella and Edward's love. I found myself getting home from work making a quick dinner for my son and getting into pajama's right away just so I could go to bed and read until 3am.

If guys were smart and wanted to know what women really wanted all they have to do is read Twilight and see how tender and passionate Edward is about Bella. That's what love is about. Me, as a woman, am actually IN love with a character from a book! If you haven't read it, it's written from Bella's perspective and I can't help but feel weak in the knees right alongside with her when she sees Edward and I can feel my heart speedup when they kiss. I am in love with Edward because I am in her head and I feel everything little thing she is feeling.

I've always wanted to have my life to turn out like a romantic comedy or fairy tale and have my happily ever after. But now after reading this book all I want to know is, where the hell is my Edward Cullen?

Moving Forward...

2009-02-25T10:57:00.001-08:00

Doesn't it suck when everyone else's life seems to be moving forward while yours is stuck in pause?

Sometimes we become so self involved in our own misery and pain that we forget that the earth is still spinning on its axis. Once we realize that life does go on, I don't know about you, but I start to question if I want it to or not. Not saying that I want my life to stop exsisting because I am sad, but a part of me wishes I could. Maybe...just crawl into a ball and stay in bed until I'm too tired (or bored) for pause.

Three's A Crowd

2009-02-25T10:52:00.000-08:00

Men are so indecisive. I don't understand them.

Here's my problem...
Guy has girlfriend.
Guy meets new girl.
Guy flirts with new girl.
New girl knows about girlfriend, but still flirts back because its just flirting.
Guy starts texting and calling girl.
Girl has birthday and invites guy because they have become friends.
Guy starts admitting he likes girl more than friends.
Guy and girlfriend are having problems.
Guy tells girl he doesn't want to break up with girlfriend because of Christmas.
Girl tries to understand and gives guy time.
Guy doesn't break up with girlfriend, but still wants girl around.
Girl understands that guy wants cake and wants to eat it too.
Guy and girl have a mini love affair.
Guy eventually becomes distant and tells girl he feels guilty for cheating.
Guy tells girl that guy's kids are attached to girlfriend and guy doesn't want to hurt anyone.
Girl left confused on why guy intiated fling in the first place?

Message to all guys....
If you are in a relationship and thinking of cheating, before you follow through think about this..... the girlfriend you have. Seriously weigh out whether its worth hurting her, her kids, your kids, loosing her...all for someone new. Think about "the other women" what if she is great, but you, as a man, are too chicken shit to give up everything else and have to hurt the new girl....is it really worth it?

If you are unhappy either break up and deal with it and be a real man. Or work it out with your significant other. Don't lie and don't cheat, because the truth always comes out eventually and are your lies worth all the hurt that it'll cause?

That Explains It

2009-02-11T10:51:00.000-08:00

Today a story on CNN.com is why we marry people who are like our parents. I already knew this....but it just confirms my suspicions.....

"Sometimes, people choose mates who resemble their parents not because of fond memories, but to make amends for an unhappy childhood.

"This is most common if you felt rejected or abandoned by a parent and still haven't worked through it," says Stephen Treat, director of the Council for Relationships, a Philadelphia nonprofit. "Your psyche wants to go back to the scene of the crime, so to speak, and resolve that parental relationship in a marriage."

Women who felt abandoned by their fathers are likely to choose emotionally unavailable husbands, for example, and men raised by hypercritical moms will be drawn to wives who pick on them, he says.

It's not a good idea. "You think you'll be able to heal this way, but you're probably no more equipped to deal with the situation than you were as a child, and the parental dynamic gets repeated in your marriage, usually with bad consequences," he says."

No wonder!!! lol....if you know me. I hope you got a good laugh out of this.

A Promise

2009-01-18T21:16:00.001-08:00

If the Cardinals do indeed win the Super Bowl on 2/1/09 I will get a Cardinal tattooed on my body with the date around it! It will be my very first tattoo for the very first Super Bowl!

Has Hell Frozen Over?

2009-01-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

11 years ago in section 33 at Sun Devil Stadium, you wouldn't find many season ticket holders for the Cardinals. You probably wouldn't find too many throughout the stadium. People didn't want to pay for season tickets and then have to walk 1/2 a mile to the stadium in 110 degree weather when the team would most likely lose anyway.

3 years ago in section 113 at the new University of Phoenix stadium in Glendale we have become surrounded by Arizona Cardinals fans who have endured the same pain and disappointment that I myself have faced over the past several years. We have come together and celebrated victories and comforted each other in losses. We have been disappointed even in our new stadium by defeat. Throughout the years even though we have been angry, disappointed, and embarrassed we have never given up hope!

On January 3rd 2009 I walked into University of Phoenix stadium for the first round of playoff games for this season. Arizona Cardinals vs Atlanta Falcons. I knew, that because this was a home game and there aren't that many Falcons fans here in Arizona that our boys were going to come out with this intensity and win the game. We had been the underdog, we were told that we don't even belong in the playoffs. I knew that was just fuel to our fire. We came out strong and we defeated our opponent. I just kept thinking this was the best day of the year for 2009.

On January 10th 2009 we played in North Carolina agaist a team that beat us in the regular season 27-23. We should've won that game back in October. The Panthers were undeafted at home. Everyone was sure we wouldn't win. I'll be honest, I was just glad we made it this far! I couldn't have asked for a better game. We shut down their run and we came up with a HUGE victory! As long as the Eagles were to beat the Giants then we were going to have another home game for NFC title!

On January 18th 2009 I got to walk into the University of Phoenix stadium for the last time this season, simply because the next game was the Super Bowl and it is in Florida! The walk to the stadium doors are a little different these days. Maybe because its a walk across a parking lot or because it's January and not 110 degrees outside or maybe it's because the football fans in this state have started to jump on our bandwagon and are finally supporting the Cardinals and we have finally filled out our lot with nothing but Cardinal RED!!!

Today we beat the Philadelphia Eagles for the NFC Conference Title. We are going to the Super Bowl in Tampa Bay on February 1st 2009. It has been a long and bumpy journey. Not only do our players who we are truly grateful for deserve this, but the fans in section 113 who have been there longer than all the players deserve this most of all!

Go Cardinals!

PS
January 3rd was the FIRST best day of the year and as you can guess January 10th was the SECOND and January 18th was the THIRD. I am hopeful that on February 1st it will be FOURTH best day of 2009 when we get to FINALLY say that the Arizona Cardinals have won the SUPER BOWL!

All I Want For Christmas Is You!

2008-12-09T15:57:00.000-08:00

This year for Christmas I am asking for something that doesn't necessarily need to come on Christmas Day, but sometime between then and the following Christmas would be fantastic!

Okay so here it goes......I would like a man. Not just any man, a decent one. I am so tired of falling for guys who take advantage of all the wonderful things I have to offer.

I have provided you with a list of qualities I think this man should have......
He should have respect for everyone, especially me
He should adore my child and love him unconditionally
He should love my family as much as I do
He should be charming and charismatic
He should have a sense of humor but also know how to be serious
He should love music and appreciate my passion for it
He should want to curl up in bed and watch movies or my Friends DVDs
He should show affection in public (an appropriate amount)
He should want to marry me
He should love to go camping and be able to handle the outdoors
He should wear pajama pants when he's at home (because they are sexy)
He should live for football Sunday
He should appreciate that my friends are an extended part of family and he should enjoy their company
He should trust me
He should have his own friends, but like to bring me around ever so often
He should have a job
He should have his own car (trucks are preferable)
He should also live on his own (or roommate......NO MOTHERS)
He should take care of himself and care about how he looks, but isn't vain
He should have an opinion and be passionate, but not condescending
He should be understanding
He should be interested in current events
He should stand up for what he believes in
He should be able to call me out on my complexes
He should want me and ONLY me
*OPTIONAL* if he knew how to play the guitar or piano that would be amazing

Please, if you can wrap this man in a box and tie it with a bow that would be much appreciated.

Thanks Santa!
Love,Meghan

PS
I have enough problems of my own and I am tired of taking care of other people.......its my turn! So just to be clear......I don't want the one who...

Comes with baby mama drama
Drugs of any kind
Alcohol dependency
Anxiety
Depression
Psychological issues stemming from bad childhood
Anger management problems
Commitment phobias
"Girl"friends
Allergies to cats

Thankful

2008-11-29T10:09:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is kind of like New Years when you are supposed to look back on the year and reflect on the things you are thankful for. So what am I thankful for.......?

I am thankful for the lessons I have learned this year and I am thankful that I have started to actually stand up for the person I know I can be.

I am thankful that I have reached out to old friends and have stregthen my bonds with them.

I am thankful for aquiantences that have become some of the best friends I think I will ever have.

I am thankful that I have disassociated myself with people who have brought me down emotionally, mentally, and physically.

2008 has brought closure to certain chapters in my life and has opened new pages of my book. Of course this hasn't happened over night or over the course of this year. I have found myself reverting back and repeating mistakes, but this is a learning and healing process. I am thankful for allowing myself to move forward and not get wrapped up in the past.

Come Full Circle

2008-10-27T13:12:00.000-07:00

It's important to study history so it doesn't repeat itself.

How is it then that things "come full circle"? In the last 30-40 years we have fought wars abroad and here at home, but what have learned?

Honestly.....not that much!

We have made progress and by progress I mean we, as a nation, have become more tolerant.

Tolerant isn't what we should be 40 years later. We need to be Accepting. Have we learned

nothing from fighting for civil rights?

People need to remember that we came here to relieve ourselfs from persecution. "We the People" have rights that seperated by Church and State. Do NOT bring religion into politics or government!

We need to be appreciative for what we have and stop using up our natural resources.

When are we going to be at peace? When are we going to stop the wars?

It doesn't really look all that different, right?

It is time for CHANGE!

It is time to "Make Love Not War" and bring our troops home!

Seriously

2008-10-15T10:17:00.000-07:00

Somehow I magically decided to grow some balls and actually tell my dad how I really felt about him. Naturally my words that were tied with anger and biterness didn't come off as sweet and endearing as I had intended. I know as a close family if one person is conflicted the whole clan is, kinda like the plague. But, if I had mentioned that I didn't want to "taint" anyone's image of you, why would you in turn read my words to them? Now I am sure the rest of the "clan" has this foul taste in their mouth about me.....and thus, the plague has begun to spread!

I am pretty sure I came across as a selfish, cry baby adult, throwing a temper tantrum because I need attention. FUCK!

That's not what I am at all! I don't care you and my mom got divorced......thank god you did! My mom would not be the strong and independant woman that I admire if you were married. Anything that happened that caused the divorce is none of business, wheather you committed adultry or not. Even if you didn't, your emotional affair was enough for my mom to leave you and feel hurt and betrayed. The point of me even talking about your divorce was because that same hurt and betrayed feeling she felt was something I went through later on. I really don't know why that is significant, maybe I was just looking for an apology from you and that would somehow represent an apology from him and make it alright. Anyway.....my point is.....I don't really have a point.....this is just me venting.

No wait.....the point is......you weren't apart of my life, you didn't make the effort, you place 'blame' (which is a bad word....'responsibility'? IDK) for not making the same effort.....but c'mon you can't really expect a child to chase after their parent and say "be involved in my life" "ask where I'm going and who I'm going with" "please but it whenever possible" "please make me communicate with you openly so when I get in trouble later on I can come to you for advice" ......NO! No kid wants their parents to involved, that's the parents job to come in and BE THE PARENT.....open the door to communication, because children don't know how to do that if you don't lead by example. I wish I could take my words back and just leave them pushed under the rug. I wish you would grow a pair and realize that this was between you and I. I know for me to expect that you wouldn't share this with your wife is a lot to ask for, but to share with my brother and sisters.....seriously? Its so weird that death can give you this moment of weakness where you feel that you should just tell people how you feel about them and "live life to the fullest" and you make these rash decisions that later you suffer the consequences for.

Again I say FUCK!

What Is The World Coming To?

2008-10-13T13:06:00.001-07:00

In 22 days I will cast a vote in one of the most historic elections and probably the most important one of my lifetime. American people are losing their jobs and homes, our economy is sufferring. We have been at war for 7 years with no end in sight. If all of this isn't bad enough; Kim Kardashian didn't even make it through the halfway point of Dancing with the Stars, P.Diddy anounced on Making the Band that Aubrey O'Day is no longer a member of Danity Kane, T.I. was arrested for buying illegal guns, Holly Madison has broken up with Hugh Hefner, and Marcia Brady is finally speaking out about her drug addiction!

Seriously? Looking at CNN.com at the top 10 most read stories, this is what people are reading about? What is the world coming to?

My Men - Spinoff

2008-09-30T10:11:00.000-07:00

I was introduced to "My Women" via a myspace bulletin....it was inspiring.......here it is..........

Laura. You were hot. I was not. You let me fuck you because I was funny. Thank you.

Kim. We smoked a lot of weed and drank all the time. I don't remember much.

Sarah. You were hot. But a total bitch. I could have done better. You treated me like shit. I put up with it because you had a great vagina. Beautiful.

Another Kim. You thought you were smart. You weren't. I was bored.

Charlee. I liked your name and the way it was spelled.

Rachel. You were really sweet and nice. Stop emailing me. It's been fifteen years. It's creeping me out and pissing off my wife. Fucking classmates.com.

Megan. I wanted you since highschool. I was kinda dissapointed when it happened.

Jennifer. What the hell was I thinking? What the hell were you thinking? You smelled kinda funny too. Your dad was a dick.

Jill. You had HUGE nipples. Couldn't feel a thing though. Shame all that nippleage going to waste.

Michelle. You were a drug addict. You have to be pretty fucked up for me of all people to say that.

Another Megan. I lost your number.

Laura. I did it for the novelty of going out with a girl that I went out with ten years before. You were still hot. I got kinda hot. We were better matched. Thanks again. Sorry I dumped you. You were a shitty tipper. I had no choice. Some handsome and cool shitty tipping guy probably grabbed you. Or some funny wanker.

Another another Megan. I've dated a lot of Megans. This one was no prize.

Debby. You were really smart except you had no self esteem. Be careful or some asshole is going to own you and that would be sad. You're smart and pretty and have great tits. Smaller tits can be awesome too.

Sophia. Liked your name. Liked that you worked out a lot. You seemed nice but you fucked up my credit. User.

Andrea. You had that adorable petit look that I can only call the "Penelope Cruz" look. Too bad you didn't have her personality.

Emily. NOBODY FUCKING CARES YOUR FAMILY IS RICH. You'd be okay if you were not preoccupied with wealth you did not personally aquire.

Dr. Sanderson. You worked to much. You were kinda cold. I thought you were cool though but you are so career motivated you probably did not give a shit about anything else. I got drunk once and thought about asking you to marry me though. I still wonder if you would have.

Elizabeth. You are my wife. My wife is perfect. My life is perfect.

Violet. You are my daughter. When I looked in on you tonight I had that rush of feeling so strong that a shiver went through my whole body and I had to move my hands really quickly to dissipate it's physical effect. Before I met you I was a "kids are no big deal, everyone's got kids and they're not that fucking special" kinda guy. You fucking ruined me. I'm gay for kids now. I love you so much baby.

My unborn 6 month old fetal daughter. If you come out retarded or ugly as shit I'll still love and protect you.

So now here is my own version..... "My Men" (some names have been changed for privacy)

Matt. You made me laugh and you were my best friend, but you lived too far. You still look like you're 14 and that's weird.

Ben. You had pretty eyes, but what were you thinking?

Josh. I don't remember you.

Aaron. You were boring so I blew you even though I didn't know how

Kyle. You thought you were a badass but you were a pervert and desperate.

Jason. You had the smallest dick I'd ever seen. At least you already knew that. You also weren't a very good kisser.

Jake. You were really hot. You were a good kisser. You did too many drugs and hooked up with too many girls good thing my cousins didn't kick your ass.

Ryan. What was I thinking? You were short, ugly, and had no personality. That's why I pretended I didn't know you when I saw you again.

Sam. You had lame excuses and I'm glad I never saw you again. Andrew. You were tall and awkward and I liked that about you. You had pretty eyes and your braces cut my mouth up. Now you are fucking gorgeous and would totally hook up with you if I had the chance. Don't get married!

Guillermo. You had a weird name and I think maybe we could be like 12th cousins or something distant lilke that. Damn Mexicans.

Steven. My friend liked you and you knew it so you made out with me. You're a dick.

Chris. You said you didn't like to kiss with tongue when your mouth was open....WTF?

Sean. You probably had never seen 2 girls kiss before. You were a loser.

Felix. You looked asian. (No offense to asians.) You weren't worth the drama.

Armando. You were an asshole. You were my best friend and you blew me off.

Ross. You were insignificant.

Angel. You were scared and couldn't handle it.

Enrique. You were ugly and creepy.

Raul. I liked having you around you were lots of fun. Too bad I told your girlfriend what you really were.

Paco. I heard you're gay now.....can't say I'm surprised.

Another Felix. I'm sorry you were too childish

Jesus. You had no personality and no money.

Emilio. One word.....rapist!

Another Enrique. I don't understand how you always have a girlfriend and how oblivious they are. Where do you find these girls? Oh yeah I forgot you only date girls who are 16!

Andres. You were hot and I wanted you in high school. I was disappointed when it happened and made you stop and leave my house.

Ruben. I laughed when we found out your girlfriend was my friend.....dumbass

Adrian. I was drunk and it was New Years Eve.....your entire family was there!

Sean. I was drunk and you took advantage. I think you slipped my a roofie

Another Chris. I had bruises on my boobs from you. I don't even know how that's possible.

Another Sean. You had hair in all the wrong places. Your current girlfriend looks like she rolled around in grease.

Alex. I felt sorry for you.

Mark. I just didn't know how to say "no" to you, until you said "I just want to lay naked next to you".....that was dumb! I'm glad your girlfriend is a bitch.

Billy. You had a starring problem and it really creeped my out.

Bobby. It was the most random New Years Eve ever!

Danny. Your sister was a bitch......and still is

Jon. You tried to rape my face.

Nick. You were hot and a really good kisser.....too bad you made out with a slut right after you made out with me.

Sual. We grew up together and you were always like family. You waited until I was incoherant. You eventually went to jail.......I wonder why?

Anthony. I will always love you even though I don't know why.

He's Just Not That Into Me

2008-09-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

I've read the book "He's Just Not That into You" and thought it was fantastic! I could really apply most of the scenarios to my own past relationships and learned a lot during my reflection. So now that I am this expert on how not into me someone might be, how did I get burned again?
I mean I didn't chase him....I let him call me; I let him make the moves. It took a while before anything serious happened, because we were friends first, and I was honest. He knew I just got out of a serious relationship and I told him that I was nervous about what was going on and he said that I could trust him. I did exactly that, I figured he was making all these moves and he was the one calling me, I just thought he was different. Older, mature, a good father, fun to be around. It was too good to be true.
My 1st clue to "he just not that into me" is when I start making excuses for why we weren't hanging out as much.
"It was moving too fast too soon"
"He doesn't want to confuse our kids by us being there all the time"
"He has a drinking problem he is trying get over"
"He has baby mama drama"
"I've been going through a lot and he understands that I need space"
Maybe I should’ve just stepped back and realized "he's just not that into me"
I know that it’s unrealistic for me to think I'm not going to let a guy hurt me. I am 23 years old and still young and I've only been 1 super serious relationship so I know that I am still learning how to date. What I need to do now is just remember what happened and learn from my mistakes.

Its a Thin Line Between Love and Love

2008-08-26T11:52:00.000-07:00

One phrase can be interpreted in many ways depending on, who's saying it, what the circumstances are, just the context of the phrase...."I love you". Sometimes said as "I luv you", "I love ya", "I <3 U", get my point?
Its true that you can love someone and not be IN love with them. Like when man and woman are just friends, they love each other, but that doesn't mean they want to get married and have children and spend the rest of their lives with each other. Women seek that kind of love, we as species yearn for it. Men....just... take it as it comes.
So whenever we say this phrase to each other we should make sure that the person we are saying this to knows in which context we are meaning. Its one thing to say "I love you" and just mean it platonically to a friend of the same or opposite sex. Its another thing to say "I love you" to someone who you are dating. Do we see the difference? Its seems like this should be black and white, but there is so much gray.
Imagine you are dating someone, you have a sexual relationship, you are pretty much in a full blown relationship. You even say those words "I love you" to each other. Now, they way a girl would see this, is as being in a relationship with someone who is IN love with her. The guy just means its a platonic love because they haven't said out loud that they are "boyfriend/girlfriend"....
Can you start to see the gray?

Family? Or No Family?

2008-08-19T12:17:00.000-07:00

I can't decide whether being a single mom with no help is more challenging that being a single mom who lives with her entire family is more challenging?

Maybe not so much for me, but for the child involved.

My child has no concept that I am his boss. He thinks if I say "no" he can just get it from one of his many grandparents. I understand that's pretty typical behavior for any child, but when the grandparent openly acknowledges that I said "no", but it's okay and give in to whatever the child is asking for.......not okay.

I love the support and help that my family gives and I don't think they will ever know how much I actually appreciate them. When it comes to parenting though......please back off! How do you say that without it being taken the wrong way? I know I am not the "best" parent....but I am still learning, and they need to let me learn how to be a better parent...and I don't mind the advice, but must you be condescending? I wish people would just have conversations with me. I think I am pretty reasonable I don't like to always hear how I am screwing up and that it will inevitably screw up my child, but who does?

If I were to live on my own as a single mom, I wouldn't have any debate with my child regaurding who is boss. I am sure there are many other challenges that go along with being on your own though.

I guess I should just be grateful that my family helps me as much as they do and just sit down from now on and let them know that I am my child's parent and I am the one who needs to do the parenting.

I know it's human nature for grandparents to want to stuff their grandkids with sugar and send them on their merry way, but they can't do that if the grandkid lives with them!

If Life Was A Movie

2008-08-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I watch a lot of movies and when I say "a lot" I mean A LOT.....don't you ever wish your life could be like a movie? I always wonder when my "happily ever after" is going to happen? In reality....probably never. Is anyone ever really happily ever after?

One of my favorite movies is The Wedding Planner.....I know cheesy....get over it! C'mon though, how realistic is that story line? It's not.....but I wish my life was like JLo's.....you have a great job and make tons of money, you have a great apartment, you wear Prada shoes to work!, you have great friends and a hobby (playing scrabble...but still a hobby), while you are planning this wedding that gets you a promotion you meet the man of your dreams he falls in love with you and leaves his fiance at the wedding (which she is okay with) and then runs off to find you where you had your first date and asks you to dance and it all works out.....BULL SHIT!

Still one of my favorites, no matter how unrealistic it is!

How about the musical genre....I love it! But why can't we, in real life, dance and sing and everyone be on key and know all right dance steps?

I guess my point is....Where can I find Matthew McConaughey and dance and sing my life away happily ever after!

PS
Why is everyone in the movies beautiful?
(BITCHES)

"The Hills is Like Crack"

2008-08-19T11:51:00.000-07:00

As Matthew so plainly puts it.... "LC is my best friend"....isn't sad when we all start to feel like these reality TV show stars really are our friends because we are so wrapped up in their drama. BUT WE LOVE IT!!!!!
I couldn't keep my eyes off the reality TV show on Monday nights season premiere!!
I can't wait for the rest of this season and I hope it's not the last!

"The Hills is like crack" - Perez Hilton (so true!)

Love, Death, and the Pursuit of Happiness

2008-08-18T22:12:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when death happens we start to think about what's really important in our life? For example; if I died today what would be my biggest regret? If someone else died, what would I have wanted them to know?

Then you start thinking "well why I haven't I done this" or "why haven't I told this person this" and for some reason you still can't seem to get the guts to say it! Its a frustrating and confusing feeling.

We've always been told or tried to live our life by "live life to the fullest" "live as if you would die tomorrow" "have no regrets" "don't hold grudges" but in reality how difficult is it to do all those things? I mean if I lived everyday as if it were my last, I wouldn't have a job therefore I wouldn't have any money and couldn't eat or travel or do the things that I would want to be doing........responsibility sure does put a damper on life!

My favorite thing to live by "follow your heart" .....what a crock! Usually my heart and head tell me 2 different things and if I follow my heart I beat myself up with how stupid I was. But in this case where we are talking about death and I follow my head and someone dies.......how much would I beat myself up for not telling the person how much I cared for them or loved them?

So here's my situation.....

I love someone. I would do almost anything to make this person happy. This person says he "loves" me too, but he keeps breaking my heart. This has been the situation for 6 years. So I have followed my heart for 6 years with it getting repeatedly broken.....follow me so far?

Finally I have started listening to my head and reason has made its way into my life. I have decided this person is no good for me no matter how much he is my heart's desire. If I go back its still going to be the same thing all over again and my head will start beating my heart up saying "your so stupid, I told you so".

So what if that person dies? My heart would never ever forgive my head for not letting me spend the last days with that person. I'm not saying those last moments would pleasant ones, but at least we'd be together? Now how exactly is that living life to the fullest? Having no regrets? I love this person we fight all the time and I'm not happy but just in case they die I'm willing to live an unhappy life? Seriously, how does all that make sense?

"Daddy's Girl"

2008-08-18T13:01:00.000-07:00

I've never been a "Daddy's Girl" and that has become more apparent in the passing week. I talked to my dad last week and before our converstion ended he says to me, "I just figured out how to put pictures on the computer, I should send you the ones from when we were in Sedona."
"When were you in Sedona?"
"Last month some time"
"Why didn't you call me?"
"Oh yeah, it's only a couple hours away from you....I guess I didn't think about it"
I just started screaming in my head "HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT THINK ABOUT IT?" I would think the fact of being in the state of Arizona where your daughter and your grandson live would just be synonomous? I guess I was wrong. Just the words alone "....I didn't even think about it" are like a million knifes stabbing my heart. I am really gald that my father doesn't think about me.
I am 23 years old and this man shouldn't have this effect on me, but somehow he always seems to make me feel like a broken hearted 5 year old. It makes me so angry that he hurts my feelings this way. Then I just feel so guilty for being upset with my father when one of my best friends just lost hers.
Her father was the kind of dad who actually loved her and was there for her whenever she needed him. She always thought of her father as one of her best friends and when he passed got those exact words "Daddy's Girl" tattooed on her. I have always envied her relationship with her father. Not always the best of times, but managed to work through the rough patches together as a family. And here I am wishing that I could still trade places with her.
I am not saying I want my dad to die, but I wish I had the same relationship with my dad the way she did with hers. I wish my dad had been around when I was little and taken the time to teach me how to play the guitar. I wish my dad was someone I could turn to when my heart was broken, I just wish he could've been my DAD. It just doesn't seem fair that I have this man who I call my "father" but hasn't been a signifcant part of life makes me feel this way and her dad is gone.
Even though my dad hasn't been a significant part of my life its amazing the significant impact he has on my feelings and my heart.

In Loving Memory of Richard Moore

Maybe?

2008-07-25T13:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I am going crazy....I can't really tell if its the caffine?

I feel my mind moving a mile a minute and when I try to talk I end up tripping over my words and stuttering and then losing train of thought because my mouth can't keep up...that can't be normal right?

Again I say..... I think I am going crazy.

P.S. i DONT love you

2008-07-17T10:21:00.000-07:00

So I watched PS I Love You the other night and I seriously was sobbing into my pillows. Its so weird how movies can somehow parallel your own life but be so completely different.....you know?
I mean I know that the love of my life didn't die or anything, but since we broke up our love HAS died and that part of me has gone with it. There was a scene in the movie towards the end where Hilary Swank is running to her mothers bar and she is crying uncontrolably (I am a bad speller) and she just keeps saying "I can't breathe" and I just about died. I understand how that feels even right now as I am writing this it's so hard to not break down in tears and think about the life I should be living.

Right now I should live in my own place with my fiance and son. We should be planning our wedding. I should be that wife/girlfriend who comes home from work and plays with the baby and makes dinner and has it ready for my love to come home (I know very 1950s of me, but screw you!). I should be happy. I should feel like life is finally going in the right direction instead of backwards.

to be continued........

Nothing

2008-07-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

I am sitting at work and this is the 2nd time in the past 2 weeks that our systems have crashed and we just end up sitting here doing nothing while someone, probably in China, tries to fix our system here in Arizona! Why don't they just send us home.....the only thing that works is obviously the internet and what are we supposed to do.......web based training....give me a break!! Like I really want to sit here all learning about privacy guidelines for our customers.....NO!!!!