All I Want For Christmas Is You!

This year for Christmas I am asking for something that doesn't necessarily need to come on Christmas Day, but sometime between then and the following Christmas would be fantastic!

Okay so here it goes......I would like a man. Not just any man, a decent one. I am so tired of falling for guys who take advantage of all the wonderful things I have to offer.

I have provided you with a list of qualities I think this man should have......
He should have respect for everyone, especially me
He should adore my child and love him unconditionally
He should love my family as much as I do
He should be charming and charismatic
He should have a sense of humor but also know how to be serious
He should love music and appreciate my passion for it
He should want to curl up in bed and watch movies or my Friends DVDs
He should show affection in public (an appropriate amount)
He should want to marry me
He should love to go camping and be able to handle the outdoors
He should wear pajama pants when he's at home (because they are sexy)
He should live for football Sunday
He should appreciate that my friends are an extended part of family and he should enjoy their company
He should trust me
He should have his own friends, but like to bring me around ever so often
He should have a job
He should have his own car (trucks are preferable)
He should also live on his own (or roommate......NO MOTHERS)
He should take care of himself and care about how he looks, but isn't vain
He should have an opinion and be passionate, but not condescending
He should be understanding
He should be interested in current events
He should stand up for what he believes in
He should be able to call me out on my complexes
He should want me and ONLY me
*OPTIONAL* if he knew how to play the guitar or piano that would be amazing

Please, if you can wrap this man in a box and tie it with a bow that would be much appreciated.

Thanks Santa!
Love,Meghan

PS
I have enough problems of my own and I am tired of taking care of other people.......its my turn! So just to be clear......I don't want the one who...

Comes with baby mama drama
Drugs of any kind
Alcohol dependency
Anxiety
Depression
Psychological issues stemming from bad childhood
Anger management problems
Commitment phobias
"Girl"friends
Allergies to cats

Thankful

Thanksgiving is kind of like New Years when you are supposed to look back on the year and reflect on the things you are thankful for. So what am I thankful for.......?

I am thankful for the lessons I have learned this year and I am thankful that I have started to actually stand up for the person I know I can be.

I am thankful that I have reached out to old friends and have stregthen my bonds with them.

I am thankful for aquiantences that have become some of the best friends I think I will ever have.

I am thankful that I have disassociated myself with people who have brought me down emotionally, mentally, and physically.

2008 has brought closure to certain chapters in my life and has opened new pages of my book. Of course this hasn't happened over night or over the course of this year. I have found myself reverting back and repeating mistakes, but this is a learning and healing process. I am thankful for allowing myself to move forward and not get wrapped up in the past.

Come Full Circle

It's important to study history so it doesn't repeat itself.

How is it then that things "come full circle"? In the last 30-40 years we have fought wars abroad and here at home, but what have learned?

Honestly.....not that much!

We have made progress and by progress I mean we, as a nation, have become more tolerant.

Tolerant isn't what we should be 40 years later. We need to be Accepting. Have we learned

nothing from fighting for civil rights?

People need to remember that we came here to relieve ourselfs from persecution. "We the People" have rights that seperated by Church and State. Do NOT bring religion into politics or government!

We need to be appreciative for what we have and stop using up our natural resources.

When are we going to be at peace? When are we going to stop the wars?

It doesn't really look all that different, right?

It is time for CHANGE!

It is time to "Make Love Not War" and bring our troops home!

Seriously

Somehow I magically decided to grow some balls and actually tell my dad how I really felt about him. Naturally my words that were tied with anger and biterness didn't come off as sweet and endearing as I had intended. I know as a close family if one person is conflicted the whole clan is, kinda like the plague. But, if I had mentioned that I didn't want to "taint" anyone's image of you, why would you in turn read my words to them? Now I am sure the rest of the "clan" has this foul taste in their mouth about me.....and thus, the plague has begun to spread!

I am pretty sure I came across as a selfish, cry baby adult, throwing a temper tantrum because I need attention. FUCK!

That's not what I am at all! I don't care you and my mom got divorced......thank god you did! My mom would not be the strong and independant woman that I admire if you were married. Anything that happened that caused the divorce is none of business, wheather you committed adultry or not. Even if you didn't, your emotional affair was enough for my mom to leave you and feel hurt and betrayed. The point of me even talking about your divorce was because that same hurt and betrayed feeling she felt was something I went through later on. I really don't know why that is significant, maybe I was just looking for an apology from you and that would somehow represent an apology from him and make it alright. Anyway.....my point is.....I don't really have a point.....this is just me venting.

No wait.....the point is......you weren't apart of my life, you didn't make the effort, you place 'blame' (which is a bad word....'responsibility'? IDK) for not making the same effort.....but c'mon you can't really expect a child to chase after their parent and say "be involved in my life" "ask where I'm going and who I'm going with" "please but it whenever possible" "please make me communicate with you openly so when I get in trouble later on I can come to you for advice" ......NO! No kid wants their parents to involved, that's the parents job to come in and BE THE PARENT.....open the door to communication, because children don't know how to do that if you don't lead by example. I wish I could take my words back and just leave them pushed under the rug. I wish you would grow a pair and realize that this was between you and I. I know for me to expect that you wouldn't share this with your wife is a lot to ask for, but to share with my brother and sisters.....seriously? Its so weird that death can give you this moment of weakness where you feel that you should just tell people how you feel about them and "live life to the fullest" and you make these rash decisions that later you suffer the consequences for.

Again I say FUCK!

What Is The World Coming To?

In 22 days I will cast a vote in one of the most historic elections and probably the most important one of my lifetime. American people are losing their jobs and homes, our economy is sufferring. We have been at war for 7 years with no end in sight. If all of this isn't bad enough; Kim Kardashian didn't even make it through the halfway point of Dancing with the Stars, P.Diddy anounced on Making the Band that Aubrey O'Day is no longer a member of Danity Kane, T.I. was arrested for buying illegal guns, Holly Madison has broken up with Hugh Hefner, and Marcia Brady is finally speaking out about her drug addiction!

Seriously? Looking at CNN.com at the top 10 most read stories, this is what people are reading about? What is the world coming to?

He's Just Not That Into Me

I've read the book "He's Just Not That into You" and thought it was fantastic! I could really apply most of the scenarios to my own past relationships and learned a lot during my reflection. So now that I am this expert on how not into me someone might be, how did I get burned again?
I mean I didn't chase him....I let him call me; I let him make the moves. It took a while before anything serious happened, because we were friends first, and I was honest. He knew I just got out of a serious relationship and I told him that I was nervous about what was going on and he said that I could trust him. I did exactly that, I figured he was making all these moves and he was the one calling me, I just thought he was different. Older, mature, a good father, fun to be around. It was too good to be true.
My 1st clue to "he just not that into me" is when I start making excuses for why we weren't hanging out as much.
"It was moving too fast too soon"
"He doesn't want to confuse our kids by us being there all the time"
"He has a drinking problem he is trying get over"
"He has baby mama drama"
"I've been going through a lot and he understands that I need space"
Maybe I should’ve just stepped back and realized "he's just not that into me"
I know that it’s unrealistic for me to think I'm not going to let a guy hurt me. I am 23 years old and still young and I've only been 1 super serious relationship so I know that I am still learning how to date. What I need to do now is just remember what happened and learn from my mistakes.

Its a Thin Line Between Love and Love

One phrase can be interpreted in many ways depending on, who's saying it, what the circumstances are, just the context of the phrase...."I love you". Sometimes said as "I luv you", "I love ya", "I <3 U", get my point?
Its true that you can love someone and not be IN love with them. Like when man and woman are just friends, they love each other, but that doesn't mean they want to get married and have children and spend the rest of their lives with each other. Women seek that kind of love, we as species yearn for it. Men....just... take it as it comes.
So whenever we say this phrase to each other we should make sure that the person we are saying this to knows in which context we are meaning. Its one thing to say "I love you" and just mean it platonically to a friend of the same or opposite sex. Its another thing to say "I love you" to someone who you are dating. Do we see the difference? Its seems like this should be black and white, but there is so much gray.
Imagine you are dating someone, you have a sexual relationship, you are pretty much in a full blown relationship. You even say those words "I love you" to each other. Now, they way a girl would see this, is as being in a relationship with someone who is IN love with her. The guy just means its a platonic love because they haven't said out loud that they are "boyfriend/girlfriend"....
Can you start to see the gray?

Family? Or No Family?

I can't decide whether being a single mom with no help is more challenging that being a single mom who lives with her entire family is more challenging?

Maybe not so much for me, but for the child involved.

My child has no concept that I am his boss. He thinks if I say "no" he can just get it from one of his many grandparents. I understand that's pretty typical behavior for any child, but when the grandparent openly acknowledges that I said "no", but it's okay and give in to whatever the child is asking for.......not okay.

I love the support and help that my family gives and I don't think they will ever know how much I actually appreciate them. When it comes to parenting though......please back off! How do you say that without it being taken the wrong way? I know I am not the "best" parent....but I am still learning, and they need to let me learn how to be a better parent...and I don't mind the advice, but must you be condescending? I wish people would just have conversations with me. I think I am pretty reasonable I don't like to always hear how I am screwing up and that it will inevitably screw up my child, but who does?

If I were to live on my own as a single mom, I wouldn't have any debate with my child regaurding who is boss. I am sure there are many other challenges that go along with being on your own though.

I guess I should just be grateful that my family helps me as much as they do and just sit down from now on and let them know that I am my child's parent and I am the one who needs to do the parenting.

I know it's human nature for grandparents to want to stuff their grandkids with sugar and send them on their merry way, but they can't do that if the grandkid lives with them!

If Life Was A Movie

Okay, so I watch a lot of movies and when I say "a lot" I mean A LOT.....don't you ever wish your life could be like a movie? I always wonder when my "happily ever after" is going to happen? In reality....probably never. Is anyone ever really happily ever after?

One of my favorite movies is The Wedding Planner.....I know cheesy....get over it! C'mon though, how realistic is that story line? It's not.....but I wish my life was like JLo's.....you have a great job and make tons of money, you have a great apartment, you wear Prada shoes to work!, you have great friends and a hobby (playing scrabble...but still a hobby), while you are planning this wedding that gets you a promotion you meet the man of your dreams he falls in love with you and leaves his fiance at the wedding (which she is okay with) and then runs off to find you where you had your first date and asks you to dance and it all works out.....BULL SHIT!

Still one of my favorites, no matter how unrealistic it is!

How about the musical genre....I love it! But why can't we, in real life, dance and sing and everyone be on key and know all right dance steps?

I guess my point is....Where can I find Matthew McConaughey and dance and sing my life away happily ever after!

PS
Why is everyone in the movies beautiful?
(BITCHES)

"The Hills is Like Crack"

As Matthew so plainly puts it.... "LC is my best friend"....isn't sad when we all start to feel like these reality TV show stars really are our friends because we are so wrapped up in their drama. BUT WE LOVE IT!!!!!
I couldn't keep my eyes off the reality TV show on Monday nights season premiere!!
I can't wait for the rest of this season and I hope it's not the last!

"The Hills is like crack" - Perez Hilton (so true!)

"Daddy's Girl"

I've never been a "Daddy's Girl" and that has become more apparent in the passing week. I talked to my dad last week and before our converstion ended he says to me, "I just figured out how to put pictures on the computer, I should send you the ones from when we were in Sedona."
"When were you in Sedona?"
"Last month some time"
"Why didn't you call me?"
"Oh yeah, it's only a couple hours away from you....I guess I didn't think about it"
I just started screaming in my head "HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT THINK ABOUT IT?" I would think the fact of being in the state of Arizona where your daughter and your grandson live would just be synonomous? I guess I was wrong. Just the words alone "....I didn't even think about it" are like a million knifes stabbing my heart. I am really gald that my father doesn't think about me.
I am 23 years old and this man shouldn't have this effect on me, but somehow he always seems to make me feel like a broken hearted 5 year old. It makes me so angry that he hurts my feelings this way. Then I just feel so guilty for being upset with my father when one of my best friends just lost hers.
Her father was the kind of dad who actually loved her and was there for her whenever she needed him. She always thought of her father as one of her best friends and when he passed got those exact words "Daddy's Girl" tattooed on her. I have always envied her relationship with her father. Not always the best of times, but managed to work through the rough patches together as a family. And here I am wishing that I could still trade places with her.
I am not saying I want my dad to die, but I wish I had the same relationship with my dad the way she did with hers. I wish my dad had been around when I was little and taken the time to teach me how to play the guitar. I wish my dad was someone I could turn to when my heart was broken, I just wish he could've been my DAD. It just doesn't seem fair that I have this man who I call my "father" but hasn't been a signifcant part of life makes me feel this way and her dad is gone.
Even though my dad hasn't been a significant part of my life its amazing the significant impact he has on my feelings and my heart.

In Loving Memory of Richard Moore

Maybe?

Sometimes I think I am going crazy....I can't really tell if its the caffine?

I feel my mind moving a mile a minute and when I try to talk I end up tripping over my words and stuttering and then losing train of thought because my mouth can't keep up...that can't be normal right?

Again I say..... I think I am going crazy.