Thankful

Thanksgiving is kind of like New Years when you are supposed to look back on the year and reflect on the things you are thankful for. So what am I thankful for.......?

I am thankful for the lessons I have learned this year and I am thankful that I have started to actually stand up for the person I know I can be.

I am thankful that I have reached out to old friends and have stregthen my bonds with them.

I am thankful for aquiantences that have become some of the best friends I think I will ever have.

I am thankful that I have disassociated myself with people who have brought me down emotionally, mentally, and physically.

2008 has brought closure to certain chapters in my life and has opened new pages of my book. Of course this hasn't happened over night or over the course of this year. I have found myself reverting back and repeating mistakes, but this is a learning and healing process. I am thankful for allowing myself to move forward and not get wrapped up in the past.

Come Full Circle

It's important to study history so it doesn't repeat itself.

How is it then that things "come full circle"? In the last 30-40 years we have fought wars abroad and here at home, but what have learned?

Honestly.....not that much!

We have made progress and by progress I mean we, as a nation, have become more tolerant.

Tolerant isn't what we should be 40 years later. We need to be Accepting. Have we learned

nothing from fighting for civil rights?

People need to remember that we came here to relieve ourselfs from persecution. "We the People" have rights that seperated by Church and State. Do NOT bring religion into politics or government!

We need to be appreciative for what we have and stop using up our natural resources.

When are we going to be at peace? When are we going to stop the wars?

It doesn't really look all that different, right?

It is time for CHANGE!

It is time to "Make Love Not War" and bring our troops home!

Seriously

Somehow I magically decided to grow some balls and actually tell my dad how I really felt about him. Naturally my words that were tied with anger and biterness didn't come off as sweet and endearing as I had intended. I know as a close family if one person is conflicted the whole clan is, kinda like the plague. But, if I had mentioned that I didn't want to "taint" anyone's image of you, why would you in turn read my words to them? Now I am sure the rest of the "clan" has this foul taste in their mouth about me.....and thus, the plague has begun to spread!

I am pretty sure I came across as a selfish, cry baby adult, throwing a temper tantrum because I need attention. FUCK!

That's not what I am at all! I don't care you and my mom got divorced......thank god you did! My mom would not be the strong and independant woman that I admire if you were married. Anything that happened that caused the divorce is none of business, wheather you committed adultry or not. Even if you didn't, your emotional affair was enough for my mom to leave you and feel hurt and betrayed. The point of me even talking about your divorce was because that same hurt and betrayed feeling she felt was something I went through later on. I really don't know why that is significant, maybe I was just looking for an apology from you and that would somehow represent an apology from him and make it alright. Anyway.....my point is.....I don't really have a point.....this is just me venting.

No wait.....the point is......you weren't apart of my life, you didn't make the effort, you place 'blame' (which is a bad word....'responsibility'? IDK) for not making the same effort.....but c'mon you can't really expect a child to chase after their parent and say "be involved in my life" "ask where I'm going and who I'm going with" "please but it whenever possible" "please make me communicate with you openly so when I get in trouble later on I can come to you for advice" ......NO! No kid wants their parents to involved, that's the parents job to come in and BE THE PARENT.....open the door to communication, because children don't know how to do that if you don't lead by example. I wish I could take my words back and just leave them pushed under the rug. I wish you would grow a pair and realize that this was between you and I. I know for me to expect that you wouldn't share this with your wife is a lot to ask for, but to share with my brother and sisters.....seriously? Its so weird that death can give you this moment of weakness where you feel that you should just tell people how you feel about them and "live life to the fullest" and you make these rash decisions that later you suffer the consequences for.

Again I say FUCK!

What Is The World Coming To?

In 22 days I will cast a vote in one of the most historic elections and probably the most important one of my lifetime. American people are losing their jobs and homes, our economy is sufferring. We have been at war for 7 years with no end in sight. If all of this isn't bad enough; Kim Kardashian didn't even make it through the halfway point of Dancing with the Stars, P.Diddy anounced on Making the Band that Aubrey O'Day is no longer a member of Danity Kane, T.I. was arrested for buying illegal guns, Holly Madison has broken up with Hugh Hefner, and Marcia Brady is finally speaking out about her drug addiction!

Seriously? Looking at CNN.com at the top 10 most read stories, this is what people are reading about? What is the world coming to?

He's Just Not That Into Me

I've read the book "He's Just Not That into You" and thought it was fantastic! I could really apply most of the scenarios to my own past relationships and learned a lot during my reflection. So now that I am this expert on how not into me someone might be, how did I get burned again?
I mean I didn't chase him....I let him call me; I let him make the moves. It took a while before anything serious happened, because we were friends first, and I was honest. He knew I just got out of a serious relationship and I told him that I was nervous about what was going on and he said that I could trust him. I did exactly that, I figured he was making all these moves and he was the one calling me, I just thought he was different. Older, mature, a good father, fun to be around. It was too good to be true.
My 1st clue to "he just not that into me" is when I start making excuses for why we weren't hanging out as much.
"It was moving too fast too soon"
"He doesn't want to confuse our kids by us being there all the time"
"He has a drinking problem he is trying get over"
"He has baby mama drama"
"I've been going through a lot and he understands that I need space"
Maybe I should’ve just stepped back and realized "he's just not that into me"
I know that it’s unrealistic for me to think I'm not going to let a guy hurt me. I am 23 years old and still young and I've only been 1 super serious relationship so I know that I am still learning how to date. What I need to do now is just remember what happened and learn from my mistakes.

Its a Thin Line Between Love and Love

One phrase can be interpreted in many ways depending on, who's saying it, what the circumstances are, just the context of the phrase...."I love you". Sometimes said as "I luv you", "I love ya", "I <3 U", get my point?
Its true that you can love someone and not be IN love with them. Like when man and woman are just friends, they love each other, but that doesn't mean they want to get married and have children and spend the rest of their lives with each other. Women seek that kind of love, we as species yearn for it. Men....just... take it as it comes.
So whenever we say this phrase to each other we should make sure that the person we are saying this to knows in which context we are meaning. Its one thing to say "I love you" and just mean it platonically to a friend of the same or opposite sex. Its another thing to say "I love you" to someone who you are dating. Do we see the difference? Its seems like this should be black and white, but there is so much gray.
Imagine you are dating someone, you have a sexual relationship, you are pretty much in a full blown relationship. You even say those words "I love you" to each other. Now, they way a girl would see this, is as being in a relationship with someone who is IN love with her. The guy just means its a platonic love because they haven't said out loud that they are "boyfriend/girlfriend"....
Can you start to see the gray?

Family? Or No Family?

I can't decide whether being a single mom with no help is more challenging that being a single mom who lives with her entire family is more challenging?

Maybe not so much for me, but for the child involved.

My child has no concept that I am his boss. He thinks if I say "no" he can just get it from one of his many grandparents. I understand that's pretty typical behavior for any child, but when the grandparent openly acknowledges that I said "no", but it's okay and give in to whatever the child is asking for.......not okay.

I love the support and help that my family gives and I don't think they will ever know how much I actually appreciate them. When it comes to parenting though......please back off! How do you say that without it being taken the wrong way? I know I am not the "best" parent....but I am still learning, and they need to let me learn how to be a better parent...and I don't mind the advice, but must you be condescending? I wish people would just have conversations with me. I think I am pretty reasonable I don't like to always hear how I am screwing up and that it will inevitably screw up my child, but who does?

If I were to live on my own as a single mom, I wouldn't have any debate with my child regaurding who is boss. I am sure there are many other challenges that go along with being on your own though.

I guess I should just be grateful that my family helps me as much as they do and just sit down from now on and let them know that I am my child's parent and I am the one who needs to do the parenting.

I know it's human nature for grandparents to want to stuff their grandkids with sugar and send them on their merry way, but they can't do that if the grandkid lives with them!